5 goals I have for the semester

This is funny because this post has been up for a month or so with only a title and no actual post. I left it like that because it was so ridiculous to me... "5 goals I have for the semester." Leaving it blank seemed ironically existential somehow. The title was there because I entered it while showing my students how to start a blog on Blogger. Obviously I've been neglecting by blog.... but not my students, at least.

I've also been neglecting:

-my orchids

-my housework

-my family

-my health

-my exercise regimen

Maybe it's time to come up with some goals.

I love my husband

Because he sends me e-mails like this:

"I just re-read this passage by 17th century Cambridge Platonist and metaphysical poet Thomas Traherne, and it made me think of you:

“They [men in general] love a creature for sparkling eyes and curled hair, lily breasts and ruddy cheeks which they should love moreover for being God's Image, Queen of the Universe, beloved by Angels, redeemed by Jesus Christ, an heiress of Heaven, and temple of the Holy Ghost: a mine and fountain of all virtues, a treasury of graces, and a child of God.” (Centuries of Meditations, Second Century, #68)

I love you for all of those reasons, but especially the latter ones."

There is NOTHING more heavenly than sharing my life and my soul and my body with someone who loves me for the right reasons and who I can love, knowing that we share respect, solidarity, and a desire to become.

He is my earthly angel. It's really cool.

What do you do when you want to convince your Tarzan cast to come to a baby shower for your aerial trainer?

Well, you make baby gorillas quote Hamlet of course!

...please come?
-Banana

"I'm really passionate about parking enforcement. I'm going to live for that dream,"

said no one ever.

As you might have surmised, this is a post wherein I briefly elaborate on my magical week of baffling brushes with law, or, as
some may prefer to call it, "stuff" cops say.

I'm a regular outlaw.
But I need to learn how to keep my stupid mouth shut.

Incident the first:
It's a rainy, constructiony drive along the interstate 215. It's after midnight and I'm anxious to reach Kali's house for a brief repose because I must return from whence I came (rehearsal, of course) in less hours than the suggested sleep time for an adult female of my age and proportions. I'm achy and hungry. It's raining really hard.

-flashing lights-
-expletive-
-crunching footsteps, beating windshield wipers-

Officer (looking at me like I'm a supreme idiot): Ma'am, you need to turn your lights all the way on.
Me: Um. They are.
Officer (Obviously not believing me, looking down his nose at me with disdain, and fiddling with my lights): Oh, alright, your tail lights are out then.
Me: okay, thanks.
Officer (once more with the idiot look): You need to get that fixed.
Me: okay, thanks.

Which was fine. Normal, even.
Until...

Incident the Second
A few days later

Driving home from rehearsal, as usual. Tired. Achy. Starving. Approaching University Parkway Exit. Just one more! I can do it. Keep blasting that air conditioning. Must-- keep-- going-- a. little. bit. further.
UNTIL

-flashing lights-
-EXPLETIVE-
-swaggering towards my window, taking his sweet, sweet time-

The officer tells me I need to turn my lights on. I tell him my tail lights are out and I haven't had time to take my car in. He starts writing me a citation. Wait a minute! Ugh. Fine. He says I was going five over. [If you're not familiar with Utah driving traditions, "five over" doesn't really exist because it's kind of under the speed limit. If you steadily go five over you will undoubtedly be tail-gated and probably rear-ended]
So I'm, like, WHAT!??????

But I passively say "okay, thanks" or something as he writes out my ticket.
And then.
And THEN.

He says that I need to "find an officer and show it to him" to which I blurt out
"or her"
after which he looks at me like I'm an amoeba and says "excuuuuuse me?"
and I say,
"Um, I can show it to a female officer, right?"
and he says angrily,
"yeah, I guess there are some of those".

Angel Morelli just needs to learn to keep her big mouth shut.

Incident the third
Today; about an hour ago

This time the officer IS a her, and she's parking police. I funny-run to my car when I see her because I'm holding a backpack, a plastic bag full of garbage, a yoga mat and a few other sundry items.
Me (looking pretty stupid and sweaty, and consciously trying to sound pleasant): Hi, um, that's my car.
Officer (inscrutable): Why didn't you park in the lines?
Me: well, um, there were three other cars parked here and I thought it was an expansion because of all the construction.
Officer (passionately): Conformity is NOT the way to live! If you see something a certain way, don't just do it. THINK and do it a different way!!!

Me: ??

note: I didn't have the heart to tell her what I wanted to, that "parking inside the lines" is probably the first example on dictionary.com under "conformity". In fact, parking regulations and laws in general require complete conformity and her job is to enforce conformity in the parking lot.
But instead of celebrating my non-conformist approach to parking that you would expect her to heartily endorse, she practices this strange, voodoo reverse psychology on me! I am baffled.

Me: Um. I don't think I was conforming....
Officer (Shooting laser beams from her eyes): Pay more attention next time.
Me: um. okay. thanks. [or something]

So, basically I'm *this* close to life as a fugitive, which sounds romantic, perhaps, but really probably involves the most baffling discussions with condescending, belittling individuals with some seriously fallacious thinking and a uniform.

Are those requirements to attend police school?

The Perks of Being a Wifeflower

Okay, that was a really dumb title.
Sorry.

But here's the thing: every time I leave the bathroom light on long enough for Jacob to see it before I can scurry and try to turn it off, I owe him a substantive blog post. He says when he reads my writing, he loves me more. Right now I owe him seven blog posts.

And so, here is the first of many entries wherein I will actually write about the thoughts and problems and mental struggles that betoken my every day living. The following is the transcript of a talk I gave in my ward (that's Mormon for when a lay member presents a sermon to their congregation) a couple weeks ago.

The problem now is that if I start writing about things that I really really care about, then I'll be vulnerable to people who are smarter and meaner than me . But oh well. It's time, you know?

I've included a couple pictures from our stay in Florence, because it is the most inspirational place I've ever been.

Come From Where it May

Sacrament Meeting Talk 6/23/13

Jacob reading at the Accademia

               I have always been a bit of a bookworm. Long before I could read I would insist that “I turn!” the pages when my parents read me stories, and I remember distinctly volunteering my four year old self to “read” picture books to my friends. (I’d beextremely interested now to hear the captions I came up with for the pictures then)
 So, over the years many works of literature have become so precious to me, as to be something like scripture. From many wonderful books have I read, re-read, re-read, filled the margins with scribbled notes, cross-referenced, and memorized quotes to adopt as personal mantras. In works of every genre I’ve learned much of what I know about sin, repentance, redemption, salvation, charity, and the greatest extremes of evil and of human and divine kindness.

As I grew older I discovered the other arts; visual, performing, vocal, instrumental. There was a whole beautiful world of Godly language to hear and to learn to speak! Every day of my arts-filled childhood contained many sermons. So for me, the divide between what was scripture, what officially belonged to the True and Living Gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and what was merely inspirational never seemed incredibly material.

When I became a teenager, though, that time when you start to realize that you pretty much know everything, before you go to college and discover that you don’t know anything- -I started to notice that in many of my meetings, lessons, and activities, Gospel truths were usually expressed in very specific language, namely King James English. Very few of the Hymns in the hymn book were actually sung and my favorite authors and poets were usually only quoted in General Conference. As a young girl I began my personal journey, the one we are all continually on because we’re alive, to gain a testimony of what living the restored gospel meant for me and in what languages I accessed its truths.

Now, when we speak of “The Restored Gospel”—of what that phrase really means, it’s difficult to pinpoint what is gospel and what is merely good.

As Joseph Fielding Smith said,“… There is a great fund of knowledge in the possession of men,” ,“that will not save them in the kingdom of God. What they have got to learn are the fundamental things of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” [1]

Many of us audibly breathe a sigh of relief here. Phew, good. “I only need to learn the fundamentals, because the rest is extraneous. I want to be saved in the Kingdom of God“. Reassuring, right? All those novels I consumed as a child were childish things that it’s now time to put away.

I’ve met many people over the years who take this kind of council to fuel their pronouncement that “the only books I read are the scriptures,” or “I only listen to the MoTab and EFY CDS”.

And yet, we embrace as an article of our faith (the thirteenth one to be exact) “ If there is anything ^hvirtuous, ⁱlovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things”.

SEEK is an extremely active verb. It connotes much more than merely absorbing gospel truths through osmosis as we sit in church. In fact, the act of seeking is often very uncomfortable. If something is right in front of you, you can’t seek for it. You can look for it maybe. But seeking implies that it may be far away, or out of reach, soul-stretching or mind-blowing. After you find what you’re seeking, you’ll be different. And that’s uncomfortable. Seeking is a process, a journey, never immediately ended.  Maybe you’re not even sure what it is you’re seeking for, and that requires faith.

So in saying that we seek after anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy are we saying that, as Latter-day Saints, we commit to actively living an uncomfortable life of scraping, stretching, seeking and making ourselves vulnerable and uncomfortable? Yeah, I think so.

Our prophets seers and revelators of the restored gospel take this idea even further:

Brigham Young said, It is our duty and calling, as ministers of the same salvation and Gospel, to gather every item of truth and reject every error. Whether a truth be found with…the Universalists, or the Church of Rome, or the Methodists, the Church of England, the Presbyterians, the Baptists, the Quakers, the Shakers, or any other of the various and numerous different sects and parties, all of whom have more or less truth, it is the business of the Elders of this Church…[and I would add members of this church] to gather up all the truths in the world pertaining to life and salvation, to the Gospel we preach, … to the sciences, and to philosophy, wherever it may be found in every nation, kindred, tongue, and people and bring it to Zion.[2]

A highlight of my life at Badia Fiorentina

Joseph Smith said: “One of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism is to receive truth, let it come from where it may.”[3]

And the Lord says, in Doctrine and Covenants 88:118, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom.”

So here we are, with not only council but a duty and calling to SEEK for truth, well, basically everywhere. Something of a daunting task.

So how do we possibly sift through all the good and bad teachings of the world in books and religions and find the valuable ones that have a rightful and useful place in our understanding of the restored gospel? How do we determine which ones are the best books and which are merely a waste of our time—or worse, detrimental to our spiritual education? How do we avoid the pitfalls of embracing unrighteous philosophies of men mingled with scripture?

As Elder B.H. Roberts of the Seventy famously said, “While the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is established for the instruction of men; and it is one of God’s instrumentalities for making known the truth yet he is not limited to that institution for such purposes, neither in time nor place. God raises up wise men and prophets here and there among all the children of men, of their own tongue and nationality, speaking to them through means that they can comprehend. … All the great teachers are servants of God; among all nations and in all ages”

All the great teachers are servants of God? How do we distinguish between the good, the great, and the bad? With this kind of council, how do we possibly prioritize our spiritual education??

The answer lies in the topic of this sacrament meeting, which is beautiful in its simplicity: PROPHETS TEACH US TO LIVE THE RESTORED GOSPEL.

Prophets teach us. With so many beautiful, useful truths in religions of the world that we have a duty to seek after and embrace, the Restored Gospel is singular in the fact that we have living, breathing, teaching prophets. Indeed, our Gospel is true and living, meaning it is changing and growing, just like a living human being—like we are. We believe in continuing revelation that is given us through prophets and through the Holy Ghost directly from our Father to us. That’s pretty cool.

I keep on my computer, so it’s always within view, a sticky note that serves as a gentle caution in my insatiable drive to seek after knowledge and beauty. It’s Second Timothy 3:7: Ever learning, never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.

As we follow our duty to seek and learn and embrace and discover, we always come back to the beautiful, grounding fundamentals of the gospel, as President Smith reminded us. In making our central study that we base everything else around the words of prophets, both ancient and modern, we will be able to recognize the other truths we are seeking for when we come across them. We’ll recognize godly language elsewhere because we’ll know it so well from the scriptures, from prophets, and from speaking to God ourselves through prayer.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) put it well when speaking to members and nonmembers alike during an area conference in Tahiti: “Keep all the truth and all the good that you have. Do not abandon any sound or proper principle. Do not forsake any standard of the past which is good, righteous, and true. Every truth found in every church in all the world we believe. But we also say this to all men—Come and take the added light and truth that God has restored in our day. The more truth we have, the greater is our joy here and now; the more truth we receive, the greater is our reward in eternity.” ^[4]

I have a personal testimony of the limitless beauties and truths that exist for us to discover in churches, mosques, synagogues, ashrams, libraries, concert halls, museums, movie theaters, and in all the limitless languages of divinity in the world around us. I know that we’ll have a more complete appreciation of the restored gospel if we better come to know and understand all of God’s children and recognize the light of Christ that pervades and infuses all of His creation.

I love this Gospel with my whole soul and I come to love it more the more I study, seek, and embrace truth, “come from where it may.”

---

[1] Bruce R. McConkie, comp., Doctrines of Salvation (Bookcraft, 1954), 1:291.

[2] Journal of Discourses 7:283

[3] Sermon of Joseph Smith, 9 July 1843 (Sunday Morning), in Andrew F. Ehat and Lyndon W. Cook, eds., The Words of Joseph Smith: The Contemporary Accounts of the Nauvoo Discourses of the Prophet Joseph (Provo, UT: BYU Religious Studies Center, 1980), p. 229

[4]  Bruce R. McConkie, comp., Doctrines of Salvation (Bookcraft, 1954), 1:291.

In case you were wondering...

This is my life right now.

 Playing Jane Porter in Disney's Tarzan is a fabulous distraction from my Master's thesis.

And working at the Hale Centre Theatre is such an exhilarating experience. The production staff is made of artistic geniuses, every single one of them, and the aerialists are pure magic! The things these people do with their bodies! I'm lucky I'm playing Jane because there's NO WAY I could do what the ensemble does. Everyone constantly posts pictures of their fresh bruises, and I'm proud to share that my wrist has started bleeding and callusing from the little aerial adventures Tarzan and I have on the silks. I love how demanding this work is!

It's just about four weeks until the show is up and running. I seriously can't wait.

Oh, and I made the connection yesterday that I'm doing aerials in my Ariel wig. That's pretty special.

Banana.

Thank you.

The extended honeymoon's over, folks.
so some thanks are in order!

thank you:
1.elements, planes, trains, cars, buses, and suitcase wheels for getting us home safely. We had an INCREDIBLE four months and a world (literally) of adventure. But it is so so good to be home.

2. body, for waking up at 4 am so I could try to finish these fifty pages of writing I have due tomorrow. (ilovegradschoolilovegradschoolijustneedtokeeptellingmyselfthatilovegradschool)

3. n e w l i f e. We kind of feel like we were playing pretend marriage and now that we're back we're just dating again. We flirt more and fight less... it's funny. but. we don't have a place to live, a car to get there in, or a phone to find them with. That means A D V E N T U R E once again! Only it's just the one country kind this time-- The one country we belong to.

4. Everyone who helped see us off on the chance of a lifetime. Now that I'm back I'm seriously panicking about wedding thank yous. So I drafted up a couple this morning.

What do you think?

the back of this one says "we are the luckiest".

The back of this one says "thank you for helping us feel FABULOUS on our wedding day".

Do you think it's finally time to, like, get all of our wedding pictures? I'd say so.

love, jet lag, and big-time migraine medicine,

banana

Springtime for Hitler

Don't think I'm being weird with this title, it's just the song from The Producers that was stuck in my head the whole time we were in Berlin.
You know... theatre nerd....yeah.

ANYWAY.

One of the first things I noticed about Berlin was that "um, I think the whole city is under construction" (my words). I was yet to learn that the city is known, in fact, as "the eternal building site" (our delightful tour guide, Michael's, words).

The other thing I noticed is that no one sleeps and no one appears to go to work. These impressions were smilingly confirmed by a chatty local on the plane back to London. 
I also noticed currywurst pretty quickly.

What's more famous than Checkpoint Charlie? Checkpoint Curry, of course!

It's basically a hot dog slathered in ketchup, mayonnaise, and a sprinkle of curry powder. Wait... that's exactly what it is. I won't reveal what my sentiments on the dish are, but all I can say is...well, it's historically significant I guess.

 The third thing I noticed is the preponderance of this little grafittied detail on the upper lip of poster people.

I guess we don't really know all that much about Edward's political aspirations, now do we?

If Twilight isn't your thing, then how about the Ishtar Gate? We're talking about the gate to ancient Babylon. Like, Babylon Babylon.

Jacob was so excited, I'm pretty sure he wet himself. I'm just excited that he's growing a beard.

Or the Pergamom alter, perhaps? It's stunning.

I would have photshopped myself out, but then there would have been a hole in the stairs....

Um... and we saw some super ancient porn.

 Don't look too closely.      

        

...Speaking of Hitler, Berlin is just impressive on so many levels. I didn't much know what to expect of the city. I'd been to Rotterdam, which was also completely bombed out in World War II, and to me it felt distinctly lacking in identity or local flavor. It was all new buildings, new people, and a new future to look forward to without the painful inconvenience of harping on history. To me,it was a city that had been murdered, and though it did rise from the ashes, it wasn't a reincarnated phoenix. It was a new bird altogether, and one who wasn't lookin back. Nu uh.

The second largest remnant of the Berlin Wall

But Berlin is different. Eternal building site and all, it is, indeed, an adolescent phoenix determined to rebuild itself. But it isn't about to forget where it came from or what it's been through. I was surprised to see the way the city has deliberately left ugly monuments to ugly bits of history. A simple wall, for instance-- broken and scribbled-- stands as a silent, poignant reminder.

 The people petitioned to protect Stalin era propaganda emblazened on Nazi buidlings which are now used by the German government. These people don't ever, ever want to forget. 

 Most impressive of all, though, is the fact that the city has blocked out this huge area of prime real estate in central Berlin to memorialize the murdered Jews of the holocaust. Though the memorial itself is both loved and criticized for all sorts of reasons, its existence is, to me, such a sign of deep, profound maturity that I couldn't but help leave the city with an awful lot of respect. There's no sweeping under rugs in Berlin.

 They deliberately leave bullet holes in the gorgeous collinades of museum island. Rather than being angry, ashamed, or apathetic, they let history remain the horrible scar it is. They live with it every day so that they can live better, fuller, more peaceful lives.


They've learned.

And it's beautiful.

The Brandenburg Gate

The Berliner Dom

My sweetheart

Checkpoint Charlie

Please note how delightfully apropos it is that directly behind the entrance to West Berlin and the stronghold of American power in the Soviet world is... a McDonalds.

The Altes Museum

The River Spree

Site of the famous zip line escape over the Berlin Wall

 Berlin love you? I guess.

The Dom again. I can't help how lovely it is.

So Berlin is the eternal building site, not because they want to cover up history, but because they know how to deal with it. The bombed out building in the middle of all these cranes is going to stay, even though a high-end shopping mall is going up around it. I love that. I want to learn from Berlin. I want to keep reminders of the ugly and the brutal and the hard, evil warfare in my own life so I'll have an even bigger reason to rebuild.

But, this wouldn't be an end to the kind of posts I've been doing lately if I didn't include a cute picture of Jacob and I being in love in Europe. So here it is:

Oh crap. 

I'm acting like a blogger.

Love, wurst, and a new view in a new place,

Banana

Under the Tuscan Sun

A fashion photographer friend once told Jacob that he likes shooting in Italy best because the light falls in a special way. 
It's more golden somehow.
It diffuses like particles of liquid honey.

Well, we finished up in London, which was pretty traumatic, so we thought it might be wise to see and feel some bonafied liquid honey sun.

And we weren't dissapointed.

This post will be largely pictorial because
a) I'm feverishly trying to catch up on this whirlwind week and a half we spent tromping around Europe now that our London life is over, and
b) that means I should keep my stupid fingers shut because
c) Tuscany speaks for itself.

You see, the thing about Tuscany is that it actually looks the way it does in calendars.

And even the best of point-and-shoots couldn't do it justice.

It seeped into my veins and filled me with a dazzling new optimism. 

I am so thrilled about existence.

Even  after getting extremely lost late at night and getting off a random bus in a tiny town with no taxis or buses or anything.

And the pizza rocks.

And I am so in love.

Ciao Toscane,

Banana