Monday, July 6, 2009

In praise of the prominent nose

Okay, so I was thinking.... why does Sara Bareilles always hide her nose?
Everyone nose (please pardon the puns) a healthy (if not hefty) schnoz is the
mark of a good set of pipes and a remarkable sex appeal.
I mean...just take a look at Barbra!
timeless, right? (With a renewable supply of bare-chested men at her
fingertips). I think it may be a proven fact that engorged olfactory nerves make
for better music-making.
Why else would it be called a horn?
But see how it's cast in shadow
And over-exposed here??I must say, I'm worried about her sneezer's esteem...
Lest we forget what happened to our good friend

You catch my whifft? (I'm killing myself here)
... It's kind of cute, you know?
I mean, look at Napoleon! He's frickin hot! (And powerful)
(....and slightly romanticized in this portrait but I'm still a loyal fan)
Would we love Owen even half as much?And
didn't Cyrano's nez make for one of the best literary/ cinematic events
of tout temps?

Need I even mention Ron Weasley?
Albus Dumbledore?
Pinnochio!? ELMO?
And besides, how cool are Elephants!?!?
 I myself am the grateful beneficiary of something of a prominent snuffer. I think maybe I
  • smell more
  • taste more
  • give better eskimo kisses
  • have a more recognizable profile
  • have a higher IQ
  • shave my legs faster
  • alphabetize more efficiently
  • attract men with accents, muscles, and silky long eye lashes quicker and longer

Let us celebrate the snoot.
dear adenoids,
here's to you. we love you.

In the majestic words of Saturday's Warrior:

"You ain't got a nose till it touches your toes,
and it grows every time that it blows."

love, music, and the plentiful proboscis,


Dave and Abby said...

Has anyone told you how random you are? I love it.

Rose Red said...

Very funny! I love your blog.

Dane Ficklin said...

This is certainly true. I doubt I'd attract half as many bare-chested, muscular, accented men without my nose. The Vikings were very proud of their noses. Good for hunting. And other things. They'd cut them off if you were shamed.

Must be some point to that, right?

Brooke said...

I would just like to say that I happened apon your blog today looking for the title of the Billy Collins Poem "Marginalia" but only remembering the bit about egg salad smears and it is one of my new favorite things. Your blog, not the poem. But I like the poem a lot too. I agree with you about prominent shnozzes(sp?). I don't have a pixie snoot myself. I'm curious though: how does this make me a more efficient leg shaver?

Brooklynn Johnson said...

I scrolled all the way through your blog to connect this link

with this post. Also, it made me remember a lot of things that I love and miss. You are my Nanna.

Molly Bice-Jackson said...

This is really making me rethink my upcoming nose job. For rill.


I want to carry you
and for you to carry me
the way voices are said to carry over water.

Just this morning on the shore,
I could hear two people talking quietly
in a rowboat on the far side of the lake.

They were talking about fishing,
then one changed the subject,
and, I swear, they began talking about you.

Billy Collins

that's all, folks


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